When raising children, stick to the long term

2022-04-26 0 By

Family sports meeting in Shushan District, Hefei city, Anhui Province.Parents and children read books in the City Study in Nanchang county, Jiangxi Province. (Ge Jun/Guangming/Photo)Xinhua News Agency, Yu Xiaobing, a middle school teacher.”Double reduction” is a consistent educational practice for him.In his new book, “Subtractive Education”, he insists on a “three Nos” policy: no late school hours, no extra classes and no hard homework.At the beginning of junior high school, he told students and their parents that Chinese learning should remain non-utilitarian and that they should become “readers” rather than “practitioners”.He has come under fire for what appear to be poor exam results under the “three Nos” policy.In some people’s eyes, the unexpected counterattack is full of chance.But he knew, this is a natural thing, which conforms to the law of Language teaching.As a father, he said to his children, 80 is good.He said that the test to 80 points, means that the basic knowledge and basic ability has been mastered, although not the best in the eyes of the public, but basically will not affect children’s further expansion and improvement.The time and energy saved can be used for more active and meaningful activities, such as reading, physical activity and doing things he enjoys.As a teacher and a parent, he has a deeper observation and reflection on education.”Double minus” under how to raise children?The reporter interviewed Yu Xiaobing recently.Parents to score from the focus, to consciously throw short-termism, insisted for a long time, what will be focus on the child, attention did he complete personality independence, concerned about his ability to reporter: ever feel happiness score is an important issues concerned by the parents, family conflicts are often due to the “people’s children”.How should parents raise their children?Yu Xiaobing: Parents pay special attention to their children’s scores. As a teacher, I can understand that.Grades are a stepping stone, no good grades, no good high school, no good grades, no good college, etc., it seems to be a chain reaction.But, from a teacher’s point of view, I can offer a new perspective.Over the years, I have seen more and more students show weariness.High school began to weariness, to junior high school is more obvious, there are some parents all the way to the children, even if it is admitted to the university, or even after a master’s degree, doctor, is often a degree, or even just admitted to the moment, will throw the books aside, no longer read.According to the average life expectancy, most people have 70 or 80 years to live. What if they only study hard for the first 20 or 30 years and then completely abandon learning for the next few decades?The result is predictable.Along with weariness comes a loss of ability to feel the meaning of life.Some children have trouble managing their emotions and increasingly feel that life is meaningless.When the meaning of life can not be found, you let him pursue and struggle for a certain thing, it will become impossible.I think parents need to get away from grades and focus on something more fundamental, on what kind of person their child is going to be, whether he has an independent and integrated personality, whether he has the ability to feel happy.Moving away from the focus on grades requires a conscious shift away from short-termism and toward long-termism.The various test at ordinary times, in general, are very clear the scope of the examination, more or less, can not fully reflect the real learning level of children, even if the entrance examination for secondary school or college, also cannot fully decided to the child’s life, it’s only one or two key nodes in life, even if the two nodes not walk good, appeared a little corner,Don’t worry too much.As long as a child is curious and eager to learn, and willing to continue to work hard, one day he will be able to find his proper place in society and excel in the competition with others.Or to go beyond it, to learn to coexist with others, to be willing to cooperate with others, to have the ability to feel happy and love life, can also be said to be a good life choice.Out the true meaning of education, that is, never make more than power, as a parent, not a child, become the child’s mom and dad, nature is a qualified parents, parents need to keep learning the reporter: “ShuangJian”, some parents confused: less homework, tutorial, children learn how to improve?When the era of making up lessons for all gradually recedes, when the time to accompany is returned to parents again, how should parents accompany their children?Yu Xiaobing: when there are all kinds of cram school, parents are anxious, but, to some extent, they are always able to find a solution to the export of anxiety, think as long as the spent money, let the child go to all kinds of cram school, their own short board to fill up, strive for to go to a good high school, and a good university, as a parent even if well done.It’s not.I have a basic idea that parents need to learn more than children.One of the truths of education is that what is said is never as powerful as what is done.After the “double minus”, with free time, I think the most important thing for parents and children to do is reading.Reading is one of the most efficient ways to learn.If you want your child to love reading and become a reader, the easiest way is for the parents to love reading and be a reader themselves.Besides reading, parents can also take their children to do some sports.In the process of sports, on the one hand, to strengthen parent-child relationship communication, on the other hand, can let children learn one or two sports can benefit for life.Traditionally, sports have not been given a high priority by parents, who have found ways to cut corners and train their children only in subjects that can handle physical tests, and get a good grade and the job is done.In fact, get good grades pour in the second, through sports, have a strong body, and gradually cultivate the spirit of perseverance, is the true meaning of sports.Of course, after the “double reduction”, still need to pay special attention to a problem, that is, do not put the children’s time too full.We too hope that by increasing the way of time for children to gain more, but in fact it is not the case, not increased time, will be able to have a better effect.Attention should be paid not only to the length of the child’s study, but also to his learning efficiency.When we fill up our time, it looks like we’re making the most of our time, but we’re actually increasing our brain fatigue, and at a certain point, our brain shuts down.Therefore, after the “double cut”, in addition to reading and sports, also pay attention to ensure that children get enough sleep.One of the most important things I do every day is to get my children to go to bed early. This is not only about their ability to pay attention in class tomorrow, but also about their physical and mental health.The key to “self-discipline” lies in “self”, and this “self” is not just to understand the truth, but to implement it. Sometimes, let the children “hit the south wall” and feel the pain, which can achieve better results than preaching. Reporter: After the “double reduction”, school education is weakening the examination and the score.And kids have more time in school for sports and more time to learn on their own.How should the child’s self-education cultivate?How should parents cooperate accordingly?Yu Xiaobing: the exam weakened the score, changed to the grading system, of course, the original intention is to reduce the anxiety of parents, do not haggle over every element in the score.But it is not a move that could solve the problem, once and for all, on the other hand, for part of the “discourse” of parents, may be even more anxiety – originally to a certain extent, can also through scores to see the child’s learning and learning achievement, to the hierarchy, even in the same grade, but probably the difference is relatively large, so the lack of a lot of parents.Once the heart does not know, basically immediately take action is “pegged” the child, through this “pegged” way, let the child’s learning become more “controllable” some.Most parents know, though, that it’s important to develop self-discipline in their children.However, in the actual process of teaching children, more use of “heteronomy”, because “heteronomy” than self-discipline is more immediate, more assured.As the saying goes, “diligent mother lazy child”, when parents more diligent, more use of “other law” of the way to manage children, children will inevitably become lazier, more accustomed to take “and so on, rely on, to” the way, as long as the external force removed, the inevitable academic performance rapidly declined.The key to “self-discipline” lies in the character of “self”. This “self” is not just to understand the truth and put it into practice, but also needs more practice.In the process of practice, it is inevitable to take some detours and stumble, which is quite normal.If children do not do it when they are young, when they want to do it when they are older, they will inevitably pay a greater price.The so-called “do not hit the south wall, do not look back”, sometimes, let the child “hit the south wall”, feel the pain, is a better form of education than preaching can achieve better results.Reporter: If the child’s aptitude is mediocre, can not do the ideal appearance in the parents’ mind, how should parents adjust their own mentality, accept their children?Or can we accept our children’s own choices and let them take a different path?Yu Xiaobing: high expectations, a less-pressured “is that most Chinese parents point of view, under the drive of this mentality, in order to make children better or faster” ChengLongCheng chicken “, but are often adopted a way of education, in the end find their children but are ordinary people, is an enormous gap from psychological, think can’t accept it.In fact, such parents need to figure out a few things.First, in the whole society, dragons and phoeniths are only a few, and most of them are ordinary people. We ourselves may be just ordinary people, so why do we insist on asking our children to become dragons and phoeniths?Second, life is a marathon, not at the beginning of the lead, will be boundless glory, marathon is not to see the short-term lead, but to see the long-term persistence.Third, life is not just a race track, but there are many different races. We should not always compare our children’s disadvantages with other children’s advantages, as long as everyone gives play to their own advantages.Instead of pursuing the child to become a talent, it is better to pursue the child to become an adult, to become a person capable of feeling happiness, to become a person who can benefit others and the society.(Reporter Jin Xiaoyan)