The scope of application of soft boundary thinking

2022-05-04 0 By

Q: Hello, I have a question for you.What is the use of soft boundary thinking?Is its purpose primarily to dissipate anger?From this kind of thinking can be seen: our own expectations and desires for others.Is the elimination of these superfluous things a lowering of expectations of others?If you can’t let go of your expectations of others, what’s the best way to change them: Establish rules that work?Bubble fairy: I think this question is particularly good, I look forward to teachers and partners to share the answer.My own understanding is that soft ego boundaries serve two purposes.One is to dissolve emotions. For example, when you feel attacked, you can observe what is included. After the self-boundary is softened, no matter what language and behavior are outside, the heart is calm and relaxed.The second is to separate oneself from others and not replace others’ feelings.I think so, others don’t necessarily think so, don’t “I think”.I think there is nothing wrong with expressing expectations. After expressing expectations, the other party can better perceive themselves and it is a way to establish intimate relationship.When expectations are expressed and the other person fails to deliver, there are a lot of negative feelings that you are responsible for.To see it and let it flow is to take responsibility for your own emotions.After calming down, we can further communicate our feelings. Do my expectations make you feel stressed?Are you afraid you can’t do it?This is how we exchange our feelings.I am doing this now, and it has some effect. I hope you can point out what needs to be improved.Tai Yi: Happy New Year!The course of soft boundary has a lot of inspiration for the awareness of the relationship between oneself and others and the scope of their inner extension. You can listen to the course again and again, and you will have different feelings.If IT were me, I would pull away from myself and look at the other person’s real needs and desires, and see that some of them may be imaginary.If you have different opinions, you can express them as long as you don’t block your feelings. After all, everyone lives in a different world.Mei Matsuzaka: My own understanding is that soft boundaries allow me to soften my conflict with others, and suddenly I feel that the conflict with others is not what I originally thought, but to upset me, and that his own internal pain externalizes me.It makes me feel better to understand that.However, I would like to respond to the excessive language attacks.Make him think I have boundaries, too.* Author: Bubble immortal, Tai Yi, Matsuzaka Mei * Editor: the little assistant did not eat taro mud panpan